How diving elevated my sense of existence

I never thought I would dive. Until I heard the story of Uma Mani, a diver and a coral artist from Tamilnadu. She sees stunning corals underwater, paints them.

We had connected long ago, but never met. Whenever I spoke to her, listened to her stories with rapt attention- a question rankled a thousand times- what would under water be like. My decision to dive came from a curiosity to see what lies beneath the surface. Especially, after reporting various stories on oceans.

One day when I was talking to Uma- I asked her if she would join me for my first dive- and she gave me her word. Two months later, I saw her for the first time. In Pondicherry. For my first dive.

Since she is an advanced diver, she took off for open diving. Before going for my pool training session- I asked her- any instructions for me? Just one thing- enjoy your dive! I took that with a smile on my face- and unbridled enthusiasm. I did swallow a sea sickness pill (it is mandatory to have this).

As we traversed in the boat- a school of silver fishes jumped in and out of the water. There was an inner silence - despite the human cacophony around me.

I did not eat anything except one roti that morning. Uma gave me that. I had a banana later on in the boat- I’d advice anyone not to eat anything on the boat.

The surface sea was rough; the boat rocked like a swing. I felt nausea, and wondered how I would jump. My turn came after some half an hour.

I put on the cylinder, the weights, and the fins and when I had to jump- I felt- what the hell am I doing? I can’t do this.

Then I heard a voice from the ocean-come, I’ll hold you, jump. It was my dive instructor from Temple Adventures in Pondicherry.

I did not want to think harder. If not now, when? I jumped. The initial few seconds, I remembered all what was taught to me- telling my instructor I am okay in sign language. We swam together, holding hands. She stopped by and told me to look at fish schools- silver yellow, florescent orange; a myriad burst of magical colours under the blue green ocean. My ears shrieked in pain for the first few minutes due to intense pressure, but I followed the equalizing technique and my pain vanished in sometime. I ensured I communicated my discomfort to the instructor. Eternally grateful to her for my first experience.

I left her hand at one point and swam on my own. I knew she was right behind me. I forgot my own self. I felt like I was in some endless galaxy. Though the water on surface was rough, underwater was calm.

For me, diving was literally living in the moment- in complete awareness. I have heard Uma say this in one of her interviews- when you are underwater you cannot think of home, and what you will cook.

When you are clouded in thoughts, you are putting yourself up for risk. Here, I’d say, you have to live in the moment- it’s a forced behaviour that needs to be followed.

When I was there, I also realised I need to follow my instructor’s advice to surviving underwater- breathe slow; swim slow; never stop breathing; never open your mouth, don’t smile; I remembered every little thing. I could enjoy my dive because I followed all this. When we breathe slow, we do not panic. Panic underwater is asking for trouble. Panic leads to making mistakes. You breathe faster, and it’s not good.

I even remember some moments underwater when I just still and let the fishes come close to me. And here’s the most important thing- never touch anything underwater- admire them, love them but do not disturb them. It’s their world, and you are there just to witness them in their world.

I was so engrossed underwater; the moment I saw sunlight on the sea surface, got on the boat, removed the fins and cylinder- a stark thought crossed- what a magical world I was in. Underwater is a different universe. There’s stifling silence- a kind of silence that can never be witnessed on the land.

The best part of the entire effort was ‘living in the moment’. Your body, mind, soul, all in one plane for you to survive underwater. Each of this element cooperates with each other. Your mind tells you to take slow breaths, and when you feel a little distracted, your heart tells you, slow down, and do not panic. When your mind panics, triggered by some pain. In my case it was shooting pain in my ears- I just remembered what to do and I exactly did that, instead of panicking.

After stepping into the boat, the boy who asked me to jump blurted with a smile- how was it- and I said, I cannot tell in words. The people with me on the boat- who dived- every single person was silent. We smiled at each other. The after effects of diving pushed me to a forced internal silence. I had tears in my eyes.

After coming to the land, I was terribly hungry- Uma had bought me food, and made sure I ate properly. I had never eaten like that ever. I felt like I was starving for decades. The next few days, post dive, I was in a hallucinated state; breathing through cylinder, mouth- it does change some chemical composition in your body. I told my folks I cannot talk and want to be left to myself- to sleep, eat, sleep, eat. After 48 hours, I was back to myself.

Witnessing underwater was a dream come true for me- just like climbing the mountains in the Trans Himalayas. All of these experiences keeps me grounded, sane and peaceful. I have always loved doing something new; just to see if I can do it or not, and by trying I discover so many new adventures. If someone asks me now, what I want to do; I’d say, I can’t wait to dive again! It’s my most go to detox therapy.

Signing off for now.